what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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