Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
