oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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