i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
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