Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
