There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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