My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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