we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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