i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
