Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
