i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
