apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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