WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
