they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
