Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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