and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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