I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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