What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
