You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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