She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My balls are so social today.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
