I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
