you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
