Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
