I feel like abortions should bother me more
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
