3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
