yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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