Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
