Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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