Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
