Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
