Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't think brook has ever known best
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
