tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
