Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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