I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
