I am puke
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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