I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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