apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
