dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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