Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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