operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
