physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
