I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
