i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
