Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
