i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
