i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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