I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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