Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
