so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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