I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
