so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
