Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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