hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
